如何成為強大的伴侶?

Quick Study: How to Make It as a Power Couple
珍妮佛.彼崔格里利 Jennifer Petriglieri
瀏覽人數:2038


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每對成功的伴侶都必須克服的三大挑戰,改編自珍妮佛.彼崔格里利(Jennifer Petriglieri)刊登於《哈佛商業評論》的文章。

雙職涯伴侶的身分認同是一個大問題。這是關於自身的工作身分、作為伴侶的身分,和作為父母的身分。所有這些東西都混合在一起。

我曾和一對夫婦談過。他們是事業有成的伴侶。其中一人開始質疑,自己的職涯道路是否適合自己。他對我說,他害怕告訴另一伴這個情況,因為他擔心,如果放棄這個身分,對方就不再愛他,該怎麼辦。

這是個人身分中如此不可或缺的一環,人們投注很多心力在關係上和職涯上。我認為,這概括了雙職涯伴侶面臨的真正挑戰。

雙職涯伴侶面臨一系列可預料到的挑戰,這些挑戰呈現為三個過渡期:

過渡期一:我們如何讓它成功?

第一個過渡期可能發生在任何年齡,但通常發生在伴侶在一起、相互扶持的三到五年內。我們如何讓它成功?我們如何結合兩個職涯、兩種生活,合成一條支持雙方的單一道路?

我推薦一項做法,就是所謂的「伴侶契約」,讓雙方詳細討論三個領域。希望,我的人生目標是什麼?界線,我們想要居住在什麼區域?我們希望共度的時間至少是多少?第三個領域是關於恐懼,這可能是讓人感覺最難談論的。但這是關於擔心彼此的伴侶關係可能在哪裡出錯,以及這些事情如何滲透到我們的職涯?反之亦然。

過渡期二:我們真正想要的是什麼?

第二個過渡期,通常是伴侶生活中最緊張的時期。當他們對職涯的優先順序、如何管理家庭都有歧見時,往往會讓這對伴侶變得對立。於是,一方變得較有野心,另一方則負責持家,悠閒地平衡對方。隨著年齡增長和職涯發展,這些角色帶來限制,變成雙職涯伴侶的重要問題。我們真的需要伴侶提供非常不同的支持。我們認為伴侶會一直陪在我們身邊,總是說我們很棒。在那個階段的特定時刻,這正是我們所需要的。

因此,第二個過渡期的一部分是要仔細思考和重新評估,自己的人生中真正想要的事情。但是,雙職涯伴侶若要做到這一點,就必須看到自己肩負的另一種角色,檢視自己該如何重新平衡伴侶之間的關係,如此才能在餘下的生命中從事自己想做的事情。

過渡期三:我們現在是什麼角色?

第三個過渡期是關於目標。在這階段常見的是,我們在職涯上已變得更資深,我們的角色正在改變,如果我們有子女,子女也已離家。一方面,我們需要哀嘆有了失落感。有些角色已經過去,同時這也帶來巨大的機會。像是兼職工作的想法,或是有一個工作組合,也許做一些志工,重拾二、三十年前享受過的自由。

(劉純佑譯)


What happens in dual-career couples is identity is a big issue. It's about my work identity, our identity as a couple, my parent identity. All these things are swirling around in the mix. So there's one couple I spoke to. They were a real high-flying couple. And one of the partners, he really started to question whether his corporate path was his way. And the thing he said to me was I'm afraid of telling my partner because what if he doesn't love me anymore if I let go of this piece of my identity.

Such an integral piece of who we are. There's a lot invested in the relationship and in the career. And I think that sums up the real challenge for dual-career couples. Dual-career couples face a set of rather predictable challenges. And these come up in the form of three transitions. In the first transition, this occurs at any age, but it occurs usually within the first three to five years that we get together and really join into one relationship. How can we make this work?

How can we practically combine these two careers, these two lives, onto a single path that supports us both? One exercise I recommend is something called couple contracting where couples talk through three areas. Hopes, what are the things I'm aiming for in life. Boundaries, what's the area we might want to live in. What is the minimum amount of time we want to spend together? And the third area is about fears, and this can feel the most difficult to talk about. But it's what are the things I worry could go wrong in our relationship, and how does that bleed over into our careers and vice versa?

So the second transition is often the most stressful period of couples' lives. So when they have disagreement of how do we prioritize careers, how do we manage our families, they tend to polarize a little bit in the couple. So one becomes the ambitious one, and one becomes the holder of the family, the laid back counter balance. As we grow older and we grow in our careers, these roles become constraining, and they become a piece of the issue for dual-career couples. We really need a very different kind of support from our partner. We think of our partners as someone who's always in our corner and always telling us we're great.

And at that phase in that particular moment, that's exactly what we need. So the second transition is partly a matter of thinking through and reassessing what do I really want from my life. But dual-career couples can only do that if they look at the roles they're holding underneath and look at how might we need to re-balance these between the couple to enable us to do those things we want to do with the rest of our lives.

The third transition is around purpose. It often happens at a stage where we've become more senior in our careers, our roles are changing, maybe our children are leaving home if we've had them. On the one hand, there is a sense of loss that we need to mourn. There are roles that have passed. And at the same time, there's enormous opportunities that bring. So these ideas of part-time working, having a portfolio of jobs, maybe doing some volunteer work, there's a bringing back of the freedom that we enjoyed maybe 20, 30 years ago.



珍妮佛.彼崔格里利 Jennifer Petriglieri

歐洲工商管理學院(INSEAD)組織行為學助理教授。她任教於企管碩士班,共同主持為新興領導人設立的「管理加速成長計畫」,並為全球化公司主持實驗性質的培養領導力工作坊。


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