掌控你的非語言溝通

Take Control of Your Nonverbal Communication
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如何善用你的無意識行為來發揮影響力。非語言溝通是領導人所需的關鍵技能之一。

莎拉.葛林:大家好,我是莎拉.葛林(Sarah Green)。今天邀請的來賓是《權力線索》(Power Cues)一書的作者尼克.摩根(Nick Morgan)。尼克,謝謝你今天撥冗過來。

尼克.摩根:我很榮幸,謝謝你們邀請我。

莎拉.葛林:我們談到非語言溝通時,都知道它確實很重要,而且可能與語言溝通同樣重要,甚至更重要,但卻很難控制。這是為什麼?

尼克.摩根:這是因為我們已經演化,潛意識現在主要是處理非語言行為。原因很簡單。我們的潛意識思維,相較於我們的意識是很大的。當然,我們只察覺到有意識的思維,因此它對我們似乎很重要。

但我們的潛意識每秒可處理約1,100萬位元的資訊,忙著照顧你的心率、皮膚溫度、站立和行走等所有事情,還有你在對話等類似情況中的非語言行為。我們有意識的思維,每秒只能處理約40位元的資訊,因此很容易負荷不了。光是站起身嘗試組織一個句子,這任務就會讓它們非常忙碌。 因此,處理非語言行為很困難。

莎拉.葛林:如果你想改善一些非語言溝通技能,應從哪裡著手?

尼克.摩根:第一步要注意到自己的非語言行為,就是要開始注意自己,觀察鏡子中的自己。或許是在開會時,觀察自己的坐姿。你是否筆直而自信地坐著,還是彎腰駝背,你和會議室裡其他人比起來如何?人們會不自覺地按照權力關係來呈現自己。例如,你是否刻意讓自己的頭比上司低。這會向會議室裡的每個人發出一個訊息,顯示誰是負責人,誰不是。你要開始掌控自己的行為,要知道你如何向別人傳達自己的意圖,如何無意識地展現你對別人的情感態度。

莎拉.葛林:我知道現在沒時間討論所有內容,這本書提供了七個步驟。但在你注意到當下的情況之後,這個流程的第二步是什麼?

尼克.摩根:你開始注意的第二件事,就是自己的情感意圖。一旦你注意到自己展現在別人面前的樣子,接下來就要注意,每個人腦中都有「鏡像神經元」,譬如,我去開會時如果態度很強硬,我感覺到一種情緒,對某件事很興奮,對某件事很生氣,那麼我就會把這種情緒洩露給其他人,因為他們的鏡像神經元會在腦中激發出與我相同的情緒。

假設你是領導人,想要提振員工士氣,因為有重要工作待完成。如果你走進辦公室,腦子裡只有一般的待辦事項清單,也就是大多數人多半都有的那種心理困惑,那麼你就會與團隊分享這個。因此,第二步其實是開始專注在這個意圖上,也就是你去開會時的情緒感受,然後開始控制它。

莎拉.葛林:你在練習這些行為時,如何確保自己會一再重複這些行為,日復一日,長期會讓這種行為變得更好。你如何練習這些東西?

尼克.摩根:你建立了最初的清單,知道自己展現出什麼樣子,並決定自己想要展現什麼樣子,如此就能弄清楚你現在的行為,與你想要的行為之間有什麼落差。例如,你最近晉升擔任新職位,自認應該在這個職位上展現不同樣貌。

於是你開始監測自己的行為,首先是重要場合裡的行為。在你與高階主管團隊或董事會開重要會議之前,你應專注於保持適合那場會議的情緒,然後在會議期間監測自己的情況,確保展現出你想展現的樣子。

先從重要的行為開始,然後逐漸隨著你養成習慣,它會變得愈來愈容易,只要注意自己在任何時間的表現,並持續練習。但要知道,這確實需要一定的腦力。你需要撥出大約10%的大腦,來監控這些事情。最初這看來是不尋常且奇怪的做法。但你一旦開始做,並堅持下去,它就會變得愈來愈容易。

莎拉.葛林:我知道你在書中提供了許多故事,都是很有力的例子,說明人們即使面對困難仍能成功。其中有個例子讓我印象深刻,你談到一位與你合作的女性,她設法改變了上司對她的印象,但連一句話都沒有說,都是用非語言行為。這個效應真的很大。你如何做到的?

尼克.摩根:她從事醫療工作,當然在傳統上,醫療產業中大多數醫師是男性,女性現在逐漸在醫療業擔任高階主管,但過去女性主要擔任護士。她們在醫療界起步時就是如此。護士很早就學會要扮演安慰者的角色,而醫師通常不太擅長這件事。其實她的行為之一是,遇到人的時候,她會把頭偏向一邊,然後問你感覺如何?這是表現得像護士的方式,是在安慰別人。

但在都是高階主管的環境中,對她的同事來說這也是在放棄權威。因此,她在沒有意識到這一點的情況下,表現得完全沒有權威,而由她的同伴主導當下的情況。我們首先做的事情之一很簡單,我們說,現在開始在這些會議上抬起你的頭,然後當然還要做更多事,她的姿勢也有問題,有一連串的小行為,可讓她顯得更有自信、更強勢。這根本不需要用不同方式說話,用這種方式就能讓她在自己的角色中,變得更有權威。

莎拉.葛林:看起來每個人在這方面都有很多東西要學,尼克。再次感謝你來參加節目。

尼克.摩根:我的榮幸。謝謝你邀請我。

(劉純佑譯)


Sarah Green: Hello I'm Sarah Green I'm talking with Nick Morgan, author of Power Cues. Nick, thanks for coming in today.

Nick Morgan: It’s a pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Sarah Green: When we're talking about nonverbal communication, I think we know that it's really important, and probably just as important or even more important than verbal communication, but yet it feels so hard to control. Why is that ?

Nick Morgan: It's because we've evolved so that our unconscious minds handle nonverbal behavior, for the most part. The reason for that is really quite simple. Our unconscious minds are vast compared to our conscious ones. And of course, we're only aware of the conscious one, so that seems to be the important one to us.

But our unconscious minds can handle something like 11 million bits of information a second, so they're busy taking care of your heart rate and your skin temperature and standing and walking and all those things as well as your nonverbal behavior in a conversation or in any other situation like that. Our conscious minds can only handle something like 40 bits of information a second, and so they're easily overwhelmed. Just the task of standing up and trying to form a sentence keeps them pretty busy. So handling that nonverbal behavior is very difficult.

Sarah Green: So if you wanted to improve on some of these nonverbal communication skills, how would you get started?

Nick Morgan: Well the first step is really becoming aware of your own nonverbal behavior. So just starting to notice yourself. Catch yourself in the mirror, perhaps when you're sitting in a meeting, notice how you're sitting. Are you sitting straight and confident, are you hunched over, and how are you in relation to the other people in the room? Because people unconsciously sort themselves out in terms of power relationships, so are you sitting with your head deliberately lower than your boss, for example. That sends out a message to everybody in the room as to who's in charge and who isn't. So start to take charge of your own behavior and realize how it is that you're signaling your intent, your unconscious emotional attitudes toward others.

Sarah Green: Now I know we won't have time to go through them all, the book has seven steps. But what would be the second step in the process after you've noticed what's going on.

Nick Morgan: So the second thing that you start to notice is your own emotional intent. So once you've got some awareness of how you're showing up in front of others, then the next thing to become aware of is that we all have these things called mirror neurons in our head so that if I go into a meeting, say, and I've got a strong attitude, I'm feeling an emotion, I'm excited about something, I'm angry about something, then I'm going to leak that emotion to other people because they have mirror neurons that are going to fire the same emotion in their heads as the one that I'm firing in mine.

And so if you're the leader, for example, and you want to charge up the troops because there's some important job to get done, if you walk in with just your sort of average to do list in your head, that kind of mental confusion that most of us carry around most of the time, then that's what you're going to share with your team. And so the second step is really starting to focus on that intent, that emotional feeling that you carry into a meeting, and starting to control that.

Sarah Green: So when you're practicing these behaviors, how do you make sure that you're really repeating them in a way that, day to day, is going to result in you getting better over time. How do you practice these things?

Nick Morgan: Once you've established that initial inventory and you know how it is that you show up and you decide how you'd like to show up, so you figure out what the gap is between how you're behaving now and how you'd like to behave, say you've been promoted recently into a new job and you think you need to show up differently for that job.

Then you want to start monitoring your behavior, first of all, in important settings. So before you go into that crucial meeting with the executive team or with the board, then you want to focus on having the right emotion for that meeting, and then monitor yourself during the meeting to make sure that you're showing up in the way that you want to show up.

So start with the important ones and then gradually, once you get in the habit, it gets easier and easier as time goes on just to notice how you're doing at any given time and to keep practicing. But understand, it does take a certain amount of brain power. You need to set aside about 10% of your brain to monitor these things. And it's an unusual and strange practice at first. But once you do it, you get the hang of it, it gets easier and easier.

Sarah Green: Now I know in the book you've got a number of stories that are really powerful examples of how people can succeed here despite the difficulties. I know you had one in there, that really impressed me where you were talking about a woman you were working with who managed to change her boss's impression of her without even saying anything, just the nonverbals. I mean, that's a lot of impact. How do you do something like that?

Nick Morgan: She was in the health care profession and of course, traditionally, the way health care has worked is most of the doctors have been male and most of the women, who are now becoming executives in health care world, had been nurses. That's how they got started in health care world. One of the things nurses learn very early on is to provide the comforting role that doctors don't do very well. And in fact, one of her behaviors was, as soon as she met somebody, she would tip her head to one side and she would say, in effect, how you feeling? And it was a way of being nurse-like and sort of comforting that other person.

But, in terms of your peers in an executive setting, it's also a way of giving up authority. And so without being aware of it, she was showing up as completely unauthoritative and her peers were taking charge of the situation. So one of the first things we did which was incredibly simple was, we said, all right, now start to hold your head straight up in these meetings. And then there was more to it. There was issues with her posture and just a whole set of little behaviors that enabled her to show up more confidently and more powerfully. And that was without saying anything differently at all, that was a way for her to become more authoritative in that in her role.

Sarah Green: Well, it seems we all have a lot to learn here, Nick. Thank you again so much for coming in today.

Nick Morgan: It was a pleasure. Thanks for having me.



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